Fifty Point Plan

Lyrics

(A Smear From Mama - the rap version)

Introspoken

Beep. "Hi baby, it's Mama. I called your job again. Don't be mad, I'm worried. The girls at chapter are worried. Your Uncle Ray's lodge is praying for you. Call me back... I already told everybody you won't." Beep.

Verse 1

I came out the womb and you was already dialin' Tellin' every nurse on the ward that I wasn't smilin' "He's a difficult baby" - Ma, I'm six hours old! Had a reputation 'fore the cord was even cold Freshman year, the guidance counselor's starin' at me sideways Turns out she's a chapter sister - same star, same Thursdays Junior prom, her daddy squeezes my hand with some secret grip I ain't know the grip - now the whole lodge says I'm slippin' Her mama's on the phone tree, so by Monday it's a fact: I'm "troubled," I'm "a liar," and I "ain't never comin' back" And it went like that - every year, every friend, every chance You'd show up at the door with a casserole and a plan

Hook

Mama, Mama (Mama, Mama) Five-point star and a fifty-point plan Mama, Mama (Mama, Mama) Every sister in the chapter thinks she knows just who I am

Verse 2

Got a scholarship to State, I'm like, "Finally, I'm free!" First day, the dean's got a ring with a compass and a G Says, "Your mother wrote the office, son. She's worried. So are we." I'm in INTRO TO BIO! What's to worry 'bout?! A FROG?! Graduated, got a job at the bank, little cubicle, little plant Second week HR calls me in, I'm like, "A raise? Oh, I can't-" Nah. "Your mother says you're unstable and you steal" Ma, I'm IT! I fix the PRINTER! What's to steal - the TONER?! For real?! Thursday night you at the chapter with that five-point star Uncle Ray up at the lodge - y'all got a pipeline, Ma, it's FAR Whisper to the sisters, "Pray for him, he's on that stuff" Friday at the Kroger, cashier tells me "You look rough" I ain't BEEN to Kroger! I ain't even been OUTSIDE! Now the lodge AND the chapter got my blood type and my shoe size! Every rumor gets a chapter, every chapter takes the minutes Every minute gets a motion, every motion's got me in it Can I get a second? All in favor? Every hand! Five-point star, Mama - and a fifty-point plan!

Hook

Mama, Mama (Mama, Mama) Five-point star and a fifty-point plan Mama, Mama (Mama, Mama) Every sister in the chapter thinks she knows just who I am

Verse 3

Then I met my wife - you hated her before hello 'Cause she saw straight through you, so you wore WHITE to my wedding?! Oh no - Full veil, Ma! Pastor says, "Speak now" - and you STOOD! Turned around to all the sisters like, "I'd stop it if I could!" Now my in-laws on the phone tree, and her job got a call And her book club got a "prayer request" - you in the walls, Ma! You in the WALLS! Thirty-three degrees of petty, Grand Master of the lies Got the whole lodge lookin' at me like I'm the one in disguise

Verse 4

So I did what you taught me, Ma - I wrote it all down Every call, every date, every lie, every town Got a binder with tabs, color-coded, laminated You was playin' telephone - I was gettin' documented Then you cry at the cookout like you the one who got burned Deny, attack, reverse it - Ma, I see what you learned Every accusation you threw was a confession Every "bless his heart, he's strugglin'" was a status report on your obsession So here's a song for Mama - sung it, rapped it, got it notarized Sent a copy to the chapter AND the lodge - read it with your own eyes And next time the phone tree rings, here's the rumor you can spread: Your baby finally can. (Mama... I can.)

Outrospoken

Beep. "Baby, it's Mama. The girls played me your little song at chapter. ...We're all very worried about you." Beep.